Friday, July 27, 2007

July 27, 2007 – Dad in a Different Light

I don’t even know how to begin. All I can think is that I have my dad – the man who raised me – back. He’s more relaxed and confident. He’s laughing and flirting. I don’t know what he did to the moody, uptight, cantankerous man who took up residence in my dad’s body for the past 12 years. It’s amazing what a little rock music and an international spy can do in a few short weeks.

I still worry about him taking a drink, but Anna Devane has him well in hand; maybe a little too much so for my and Robin’s comfort. I mean, I love my dad. I want him to be happy and live his life, but I’m not sure I’m really ready to see him dating or . . . anything else. And possibly with Robin’s mom? While they are consenting adults, that would be just a little weird. Robin is freaking out and the more she talks about the two of them the more she forces me to think about it. I don’t want to. I’m sure Anna and dad are just spending a lot of time together to make this concert a success, though . . . my dad is trying to impress Anna. What does that mean? I’m afraid we’ll find out soon enough. It can’t be that bad, can it?

Friday, May 25, 2007

May 25 – A Flirt

I love women. I’ve always loved women. That’s my mother’s fault. I can admit that I’m charming and . . . a flirt. Even though, I’m Robin’s boyfriend, I’m still a man. I can appreciate a pretty woman. That said, why would I do anything but look? I mean, I have Robin; so why would I want anyone else?

I know she’s insecure because of her past and I’m trying to make sure she knows I’m not going anywhere. I didn’t cheat when she broke up with me for “Nikolas.” Okay, I asked a few women out, but all women who know Robin and know how much I love her. There was never any chance of any of them seriously going out with me. If I did that, she has to know that I won’t cheat when I have her back in my life and bed.

As much as I hate her being insecure, it worked in my favor this time. In fact, she may have created a monster. She took me home and we did things I can’t even mention. It was amazing. That probably wasn’t the right thing for her to do. Between that and watching her try not to act jealous, it could really give me an incentive to flirt.

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

May 22 – Neurotic Girlfriends

I thought my head was going to explode. Robin and I continued our conversation about her moving in with me and she threw up every road block she could think of. As much as I love Robin, she’s absolutely neurotic. She had the audacity to dare me to admit that she drives me crazy. Of course, I did. She does. Robin even went down the road of setting boundaries. Like we’ve ever really respected those. Every time we set rules to make everything absolutely clear, we break them and then we fight. Why go through that when we don’t have to?

I know she wants to live with me as much as I want to live with her. I also know she’s terrified that what we have will be lost. Everyone she’s ever loved has left her behind in some way. I’m not going to add to that number. We’re finally happy – both of us. I’m going to do everything in my power to keep it that way.

Monday, May 21, 2007

May 21 – In Need of Therapy

We do need therapy. My father was right. Not like I’d ever tell him that.

How did we get here? Robin used to be the one wanting a firm commitment and now after just a few months, I’ve taken over the role. I know she’s been through a lot over the past few months. What with recovering from a gunshot wound and a hostage situation to being blackmailed to lie to me about her and Nikolas and being forced to keep the secret about Craig, she’s been on a rollercoaster. But then, so had he.

Now we’ve found the cure for Nikolas and we’re back together. But she still doesn’t want to move in with me. Or rather she’s afraid to move in with me. She says we’re totally incompatible. She’s wrong. She’s my best friend. We can handle anything as long as we’re together. I just have to find a way to make her see that.

Sunday, April 08, 2007

April 8 – Getting By

This week has been a hard one. Seeing Robin at work and knowing that she was going home to Nikolas pisses me off. As a result of it, I jumped down Epiphany’s throat and threw Robin and Nikolas in Emily’s face. I felt bad about that. Emily is going through the same thing I am and she didn’t deserve that from me.

Speaking of Emily, she’s in denial. Emily just doesn’t believe that Nikolas would hurt her again and because she was there when Robin was only thinking of me when she was shot. I didn’t want to believe either, but the reality is that Robin is living with Nikolas and Emily and I are alone.

Yes, there’s something strange going on with Robin and she doesn’t look particularly happy with this new arrangement. Maybe, it’s just the fact that she knows how much I love her and she tossed my love back in my face as if she didn’t care. Maybe if I was a different man, I’d just let it go or hold on to the hope that she’ll come back to me. I’m not that man and I’m not that noble. I will not make this easy for her.

Sunday, April 01, 2007

April 1 – April Fools

I guess the joke’s on me. I thought what Robin and I had was the real thing, that thing I saw between my mom and dad. Obviously, I was wrong. I been working at allowing myself to open up and let my guard down and what does Robin do when I let her in, she runs out on me. And not only does she leave me, but she leaves me for Nikolas. She says their only friends and that I need to trust her and respect her decisions, but she doesn’t trust me. After all the things we’ve been to each other, for her to move in with Nikolas at the spur of the moment is beyond belief.

I gave her more than one chance to talk to me and let me help her with whatever is going on and she refused. I don’t know if she was lying to me the whole time or if she’s caught up in something that’s really dangerous, but either way, I’m done. I’ve tried and I’m not that patient guy who’ll just wait around for the other shoe to drop. I guess I’m just not that loyal and decent. Right now, I’m pissed . . . and I’m hurt. If and when she does come around, I don’t know that I’ll be waiting for her. How could she expect me to?

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

March 27 – What the H#LL?

I’m extremely confused. Robin decided to move in with Mac after being released from the hospital, but I always thought when she recovered that she’d be moving back in with me. But, she doesn’t want to do that right now. She thinks we moved in together for the wrong reasons the first time. I could buy that, if she was getting her own place and we were moving toward her moving back in. That’s not the case.

Now, she’s about to move into Wyndemere . . . with Nicolas, where she “doesn’t have to pay rent and has servants.” Give me a break. When has any of that been important to her? Something’s wrong and she’s not talking to me. I don’t know how to help her if she won’t talk to me. I love her and I know she loves me. Whatever it is that’s scaring her is something major. And I need her to trust me with it. Maybe Mac will be able to get to the bottom of this. Someone has to.